i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
