We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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