She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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