i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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