he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
