It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
