You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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