He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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