They should really pass out barf bags in church
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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