the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
