wakey wakey hands off snakey
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize