Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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