we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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