I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My feet surprised me
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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