I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
