i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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