Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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