it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
