In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Come see our sink grown plant.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
