i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
