I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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