I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this boner is exhausting
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
