You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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