rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
And then he peed in my hair
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