So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
