I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
