Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
