brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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