There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize