her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
