he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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