ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize