Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
from now on my penis is your penis
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
