so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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