he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
