So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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