Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
