Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
