I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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