So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
50% drunk capacity currently
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
