high people should be assigned attendants
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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