After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
