chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
