If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
