look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
