My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
