As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
