i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
