that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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