I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
