i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
