Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
