God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
