the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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