So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i love accidental penises.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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