So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
