k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
