I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
