I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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