I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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