is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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