bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
