Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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