Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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