i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
