Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
