and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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