I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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