Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize