I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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