Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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