doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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